Posts Tagged ‘lonliness’

Deployments and Being Lonely

Lately I’ve been reading military spouse blogs about how lonely they are without their husbands.  Now don’t get me wrong — I do get lonely without my husband, but it’s not a constant feeling.  And I don’t dwell on it.  I get out and keep myself from being lonely.  Everyone has the right to their feelings, but to say in general statements that all Army Wives are lonely is a big mistake.

To start, let’s look at the word lonely as “Webster” sees it.

Lonely — \ˈlōn-lē\

  1. being without company, cut off from others
  2. not frequented by human beings
  3. sad from being alone
  4. producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation

During a deployment, I am never without company — I have children that are there and I make sure to surround myself with friends that do understand what I am going through.  One of the pluses of living in a military community is having those types of people around.  That covers the human beings part and not being alone.  I, personally, never understand those people who “move home” when there husbands are deployed.  I think that this causes more problems for the one left behind. 
Living in a community that has a military installation makes life easier.  All the resources you need are there.  Support groups, commissary, childcare, clinics, etc.  I don’t feel that enough people take advantage of the opportunities that are given on the military bases.  FRG’s (if run correctly), AFTB, and Family Support Centers can help everyone — and it turn, getting involved can give you an opportunity to give back by volunteering at those some places.  You can pass your knowledge onto other spouses that may be currently going through something that you were able to deal with earlier in your life. 
Besides all the benefits living near a military installation, I don’t move because that is my home.  I don’t want to up-root my family any more than I have too.  We’ve been married for almost 10 years and we’ve lived in 6 different places.  I hate moving on a good day, so why move anymore then I have too! 
Do I miss my husband?  Yes.  It is not easy to have him half way around the world, but I can not stop living because we are apart.  I lived on my own before I was married and I can do so now.  It just means that I need to be my own person. 
There is a time that I do get lonely — is late at night, when I should be asleep, but the bed is cold without him.

Observations of a Proud Army Wife

Being married to my soldier for almost 8 years and enduring 2 deployments (2 months left in the second one), I’ve observed many things from other spouses I’ve met, the news I get and the blogs I read.  I will never say that I’m an expert, but some of the things I hear and see really disturb me.  Personally, I’m not a jealous wife, I don’t like deployments, but realize it’s part of my husband’s job, and I try to keep myself busy during our seperations to combat the loneliness.I recently read a Marine Wife’s blog that said that the show Army Wives is nothing like being a military wife.  And that loneliness was the only word that she could use to describe being a military wife!  Don’t get me wrong — it does get lonely and there are nights that I avoid going to bed because I dread sleeping alone!!!  People need to remember that the show ‘Army Wives’ is just that, a television show.  As an Army Wife, I think they do a great job and showing the lonely times, the bond between friends and the pain we share when one of our own dies.  There is creative liscense — just ask any soldier as they pick apart all the errors that the shows soldiers make!  But if you want to watch a show about real Army Wives, it would be so boring!!  Do you really want to watch me deal with trying to get an appointment at the clinic only to find out that your doctor is on leave and you can get one for a month.  Or how about waiting to have your perscription filled with 2 sick children and it takes over an hour!  (It would be like watching paint dry!)
So for my first blog, let’s talk about lonliness.  Sometimes, I am more lonely right before the deployment then during.  In the months before a deployment, the soldiers are getting ready to leave and that means long hours of meetings, training exercises, and loading equipment.  It gets nuts.  And it’s tense at home, because while he is home, he’s not.  My husband and I tend to argue during this time and I get resentful.  I feel that his job is more important then his family.  Then the week before it slows down a bit, we realize that the separation is getting closer and we have some great quality time with our children and with each other! 
Then he leaves.  And my life is turned upside down.  My children are fussy and want Daddy for everything.  I have a pity party for myself that last about 2-3 days.  Then I realize, that I can not let this get me down.  I have children that depend on me and I can’t let them think that this is how you deal with the difficult times. 
So, what else do I do about loneliness — I make friends, I volunteer, I go to church, I get a hobby — whatever it takes to keep my mind off of it!!!!  And I also remember that while my husband is the one with the military job, he is counting on me to do my job as, what the Army lovingly refers to as, Household Six.  And I feel that I have the more important job.  I keep the household together.  I keep the kids on track.  And I am in control of what happens in my domain.
I also have to wonder about someone who thinks that being a military spouse is just about being lonely.  Does that mean that your whole life revolves around your husband and you can not function on your own?  I’m an individual!  I was my own person before I married and I continue to be as an Army spouse.  And if you marry a man/woman in the military, you should know that he/she is going to be deployed.  They say that the toughest job in the the military is being the spouse.  It is!!!  We are left at home to handle everything on our own and to worry about our loved one in harms way.  If you are lonely, find something to get over it.  Get involved in things to keep you busy.
Army wives are strong, amazing women that do things that not every married woman has to do.  We are friends, mothers, daughters, sisters, and lovers.  On the outside, we may look like other women, but we have heros that wear combat boots for husbands.  Our husbands chose careers that others fear.  They are our defenders of freedom and the reason we can live in this great country.  Be proud of your husband’s, deployments are temporary!
And remember — love you spouse, care for your kids and remember to make time for yourself!!