Posts Tagged ‘independent’

Battlemind Skills — I is for Independence

While our soldiers are gone, many of us find a new sense of independence.  As spouses we are in charge of all of the decision making that happens at home.  And our spouses trust us to make the right decisions while the are gone.  But what happens when they come back?

With all the other things that change, having our independence challenged can be difficult.  I am so use to disciplining the children myself and then my husband returns and challenges how I do things or thinks it should be done differently.  No only is this hard for me to accept, but it confuses our children.  What I may say is okay to do, suddenly their father is telling them no.  There also is the things that you enjoy doing while your husband is gone that you may feel you need to give up.  Giving up all the things you enjoy can cause resentment.  I choose to compromise with my husband on that one.  Like I’ve mentioned before, I have tea every evening with my neighbor.  Sometimes we spend and hour or more chatting.  I really do not want to give that up!  So I’ve decided that when my husband returns, I won’t give it up, but I will keep a closer eye on the clock.  I am sure that he will be okay with that compromise.

Again, talking about these things is a big help.  Let him know what you want to keep doing and if he doesn’t like it, try and compromise.  With the children, you may have to change the rules there too.  If that’s where your compromise brings you, then don’t forget to tell the children too.  Hopefully, in the end, your husband will be happy with the independence that you’ve exhibited and it will give him some peace of mind the next time he has to be away.

Note:  I am using information that can be found at along with my own experience and interpretation of the information given.  I do not have any formal schooling on this topic.  If you are married to a soldier and need help with redeployment, please contact your post’s mental health clinic, chain of concern or unit chaplain.


Battlemind Skills — A is for Adding/Subtracting Family Roles

A is for Adding/Subtracting Family Roles

With any family, there are roles that a husband and a wife have.  As my sister and her husband refer to them, blue and pink jobs.  There are also a few that are referred to as “purple” jobs.  Traditional pink jobs are the housekeeping, cooking, child rearing, etc.  Traditional blue jobs are the yard work, auto maintenance and repair, home repairs, etc.  With military families, the roles change all the time depending on deployments and field training exercises.

For the spouse that stays at home, they become more independent.  They take on all the pink and blue roles.  You become the mother and the father.  One of the blue jobs in our family is taking the trash out to the curb for pick up.  In the beginning of this deployment, I would forget to take the trash out every other week!  And recently, I installed a new car battery!  And when I soldiers come home, they have to work themselves back into our lives.

For the solider, they give up all the jobs that they did while at home and start new ones in the battlefield.  They completely change their role from husband/father/solider to just soldier.  Their mind is focused on mission.

With homecoming, it can be stressful on both parties to change roles again.  We try to slowly switch roles.  My husband takes the garbage role back (and boy am I thankful) first.  And little by little, we get back to they way we were.  It just takes time.  The hardest role for us to get back to is mother and father.  I think the reason it’s harder is because of the children.  The children are the ones that make it harder.  They are so use to Mommy being the “go to” person in the house that they have a hard time knowing that Daddy can help too.  In the end, they come around too!

Note:  I am using information that can be found at along with my own experience and interpretation of the information given.  I do not have any formal schooling on this topic.  If you are married to a soldier and need help with redeployment, please contact your post’s mental health clinic, chain of concern or unit chaplain.

2008 Presidential Election – Just a few thought from this Army Wife!

Let me start this by saying, I have no party affiliation.  I used to be a registered Democrat, but after the fiasco that Bill Clinton caused with his sexual liaisons in the oval office, I lost faith in the DNC in choosing the best person for the job.  So as of now, I am an independent and choose for vote for the person and not the party.  So remember that this post is my opinion and I don’t need to be bashed for that.  It’s how I feel and over the years my feelings and views change due to my open-mindedness and I do not feel that one candidate is the perfect choice, just that one is a better choice.

During the last presidential election in 2004, I was at home visiting my parents with my family and we were stopped by friends of my parents in a restaurant.  We chatted for a bit and they said, “I guess you will be voting for Kerry!”  I looked at them and said, “No Way!”  They said, “But John Kerry will stop the war”.  They just seemed to believe because one of the candidates says they are going to stop the war means that I would vote for them because my husband is a soldier.  The thing is that not matter who the candidate is, they are all making campaign “promises”.  It’s just that, a promise.  And promises can be broken. 

I think back to the 1988 election between George H. W. Bush and Michael Dukasis.  Bush’s famous line at the Republican National Convention, “Read my lips.  No new taxes.”, and his later reversal on this matter, opened the door for the Democrats to win the next election, in 1992, which put Bill Clinton into office.  Clinton promised better health care and he couldn’t get the Congress to make it work.  And while our current president is “blamed” for the situation our military is in, it was Bill Clinton’s administration that had information on Osama bin Laden after the first attack on the World Trade Center and then continued to cut the budget for counter-intelligence in the government and the military.  George W. Bush now has problems with the economy and what did he do wrong.  Each president goes into this job like many of us with a new; bright ideas and ready to make change.  Then reality hits — it’s a hard job, things happen and deals need to be made.

So as we get ready to elect our next president, weigh the pros and cons of each issue and vote for who you think will do the best for our country.  Don’t get so wrapped up in the political party that you can’t see the forrest for the trees.  Each candidate has something to bring to the table.  Now it’s our time to decide just what we want to eat. 

Tonight I will listen as Barack Obama takes the stage to accept a historic nomination.  Then, next week, I will listen to John McCain’s acceptence speech.  After that, we will see.

Regardless of who you want to see in the White House, I urge you to register and vote.  It’s a right that not all human being have.  It’s a right that men like my husband died to give us in America.  And if you are a woman, a right that we have not even had for 100 years! — to register to vote!