Just to let you know, I am a very involved Army wife. I volunteer with the FRG, I attend the monthly coffee group meetings, and I’m a member of our battalion steering committee. I also help new families navigate the British school system and the health care system since I did them with little help. I tell you this, not so you give me a pat on the back, but so that you know that I am very familiar with many aspects of the Army. And all to familiar with people who use the Army as an excuse for why things are not going right in their lives.
While there are times that the Army “does” things to our family, I, for one, knew that my life would be different when I married a soldier. (And we were married pre-9/11.) Anyone who thinks that life as a spouse, child, or, even, parent of a solider is easy or glamorous, you need to walk a mile in my shoes. On the other hand, we have some wonderful things because our spouses are in the Army. We have health insurance, housing allowances, commissary and exchanges for shopping, child care centers just to name a few. Is it top-notch or gold standard — no, I wouldn’t say so, but it is available. So when a young military family complains about what the Army is “doing” to them, I get frustrated.
Recently, we have been trying to help a family with child care and medical issues because the wife is pregnant with her third child and supposed to be on bed rest. Without getting into the particulars, she is not even willing to help herself. She is making poor choices and not listening to the medical advice she is getting. And when we found other wives in the unit to watch her children while her husband took her to the doctor, she refused our help — and I am not really sure why. There may be reasons, but sometimes beggars can’t be choosers. She’s been walked through the steps on getting her children into the CDC (child development center), but won’t do what is needed. The soldier has been escorted to appointments to make sure things are taken care of so they can get the help, but there is never any follow through. She just wanted the Army to let her husband not work and stay at home to care for their children. If he had the leave, this may be possible, but he didn’t. They finally made the decision to take their children back to the states until this pregnancy is over. While it was their choice, she continues to blame the Army for “making” them take the children to the states, for not letting her husband take leave and for “crappy” health care. Her husband is not going to be in the Army much longer. I don’t think that things will get better for them. Now, at the age of 22, her husband has a job that provides a roof over head, medical care and a steady paycheck. With the poor economy, what types of jobs are available to him that would guarantee housing and insurance? After all the help we have offered and all the help that has been turned down, we just can’t help anymore. What she wants, we can not offer. She continues to alienate herself from the military spouses that are willing to help and telling her family how awful the Army (and the rest of us) are. So at this point, all I can do is pray for her and her children.
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