We Keep Moving Forward

Today is the day that my husband is heading overseas. He’s been gone for almost two weeks, but we’ve been able to talk to him on a daily basis. With his departure, we don’t know when we will here from him again. Most likely, it will be by the end of the week.

He’s had a long dwell time, so we knew deployment was in the near future. It’s been almost 5 years since he returned from his last deployment. While it’s been wonderful to have him here, the kids and I get comfortable with him here… and that makes the separation harder.

K has been near tears most of the day. She’s almost 11 and she understands more than I wish she did. She’s cuddled up with one of her favorite stuffed animals. I’m not sure what is worse… know that my husband has left or watching how hard it is for my children.

So tonight, she and I will watch “Meet the Robinsons” and, in the word of Walt Disney, “we keep moving forward”.


Happy Father’s Day… From Afar

On Father’s Day morning, kids around the world (Yes, it’s Father’s Day today in other countries too) are waking their father’s up with gifts, cards and giggles!  Unfortunately, for many children with deployed military fathers, they are not able to wake their daddies this morning.

We were lucky that this morning we could call Daddy to say, “Happy Father’s Day”.  But this week, leading up to today has been a bit emotional.  A brought home her Father’s Day gift from school and was very upset that she couldn’t give it to Daddy.  I had to tell her that we could mail it to him.  And R came home with lollipops for Daddy.  He said he’d save them until he got home.

We learn how to celebrate many things from afar while we are a family of a deployed soldier.  Some families save everything and celebrate when they return.  Other’s, like us, mail packages for each celebration.  And we usually send enough that the celebration can include everyone.  With all we do, it still doesn’t make it easy for us at home.  We still miss them, pray for them and look forward to the day that they return!!!

It’s So Quiet!

The kids are in bed.  I’m watching one of my favorite movies from when I was in high school (“The Breakfast Club”).  And it is so quiet.  I’m having a hard time with the quiet.  No one to talk with.  Just me and my thoughts.  And I really don’t want to listen to the things going on in my head right now.

It’s during the quiet that I have the hardest time.  I think of all the things that could happen to my husband.  I fire up the computer and read what’s happening in the world and then I start to worry more.  I am a Christian and I do believe that it is in God’s hands.  I just wish the silence wouldn’t allow the fear and worry to creep in.  The say that worry is doubting God.  I really need to push it out of my head.

So for now, I’ll try to get lost in the movie and pray the worries away.

And I Thought it was Just the Kids Making Me Tired…

Added to the depression that I’ve been dealing with for years, last year, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism.  When the doctor first asked me, “Have you been feeling tired?, I laughed at her and said, “I’m the mother of 4!  Am I supposed to feel any other way?”  I had no idea that I shouldn’t be as tired as I was.  After a few months of taking meds and more blood tests, we got, what we thought, as the right dose.  I was sleeping better and waking up refreshed!!

About a month ago, I started to get very tired again and I started gaining weight for no real reason.  My husband was deploying, we were eating out more, and just plain busy, but I never felt it was anything that should be knocking me on my butt the way it was.  For the past few days I’ve been so tired that when I woke in the morning I could go back to sleep with in the next hour.  Not something that a mother of 4 needs can afford to do except at night!  So I made a doctor’s appointment!

I went this morning and by this evening, I got the message from my doctor that my thyroid test came back at a level of 6.89… that is HIGH!  Regular levels for adults is anywhere from 0.4 – 4.2.  While I’m bummed that my thyroid has gone wonky again, I’m really glad that it’s only going to take a med adjustment to fix this.

Here’s to a better nights sleep!!!

Getting Use to Him Being Gone

We all are getting use to Hubby being gone.

K can’t wait for the phone to ring in hopes that it’s Daddy.  R is not ignoring the phone and not wanting to talk to Daddy.  A is acting as if nothing is different.  Then there is T, she has become my new appendage!

Being almost 4, she just doesn’t understand why Daddy has gone.  It’s like she’s afraid I’m going to leave too.  She follows me everywhere again, as if she was a toddler again.  I’m doing the dishes and she’s there.  In the laundry room, she’s there.  And of course, we all know that mothers can not go to the toilet on their own.  (I believe that’s in the child handbook!)  I do love that she wants to be with me, but getting the chores done is becoming difficult.  But in the end, we will make it work.

As for me, I’ve got my ways too.  Since it’s summer time and all the shows are in reruns, Netflix will be my new best friend.  I started watching “Mad Men” tonight.  It was one of those shows that I always wanted to watch, but didn’t get the chance.  Filling my quiet evenings with things to do is hard for me.  It’s so quiet.  No adult conversation.  Then there is going to bed.  I try real hard to go to bed at a reasonable hour.  Unfortunately, getting into the bed is easy… falling asleep is the hard part.  I miss having his warm body next to me.  Fingers crossed, I will learn to fall asleep easier as the time goes by.

He’s Gone, So Something is Bound to Go Wrong!

Hubby left home on Wednesday.  On Thursday, one of the shutters on the front of the house fell off.  On Friday, my darling 3 1/2-year-old, T decided to sprinkle her juice on my laptop!!  And this is only the beginning of his deployment!!

Many of my friends talk about how when hubby is away that things break or major things happen that normally don’t!  I had one friend that her car just up and died on her and their second car was in an accident.  I’ve also know spouses that have had to have major surgery, extended illnesses and deaths in the family.  Sure, we can send a Red Cross emergency message and they can come home if it is warranted, but the timing just stinks!!  The last time Hubby was gone, my washing machine broke three months before we were to move overseas.  I just needed it to last 3 more months, but no, it wouldn’t cooperate!!  I had to rent a washing machine for 3 months.  So now, we try to prepare for emergencies just a little better when we know he will be away.

The good news is, a neighbor fixed my shutter.  And while the juice fried my motherboard, all the information on my hard drive was intact!  So now I am typing from my “new-to-me” refurbished computer!  I will no longer be leaving my computer open while T is around and I am so happy that we found a great computer repair shop that has two fabulous computer geeks that took care of me today!!

Ending the Pity Party

Okay, so it’s just day one, but I need to end the pity party!!  Hubby is actually still in the states for about one more week.  He has some additional training before he deploys, but we will not see him until his return.  While I could curl up in a ball of self-pity, I won’t allow it!  Hubby would not be happy if I did.  While life is different while he is gone, I need to keep living and I need to show my children, especially my daughters, that I am a self-reliant woman who does not “need” her man (although, I always want him here).

I also suffer from depression.  It runs in my family and went undiagnosed until the birth of my son.  Putting on a happy face is something I’m good at, so the lack of a diagnosis, looking back on it, is not surprising.  On the other hand, there were many signs of my depression going all the way back to high school.  So creating a schedule of how my day should go is extremely important for my depression management.  That also means I must keep moving forward.

So the goal of the day is to create a schedule for my self.  A to-do list that I will follow.  This will create order that has been lacking the past couple of weeks while my husband has been spending family time with us.  It will make sure that I do those things that I relied on my husband to do.  As my sister puts it, “the blue jobs”… oil changes, lawn mowing, taking the rubbish bins to the curb, etc.

Fingers crossed, I’ll been heading my way to order today!!!