Battlemind Skills — I is for Independence

While our soldiers are gone, many of us find a new sense of independence.  As spouses we are in charge of all of the decision making that happens at home.  And our spouses trust us to make the right decisions while the are gone.  But what happens when they come back?

With all the other things that change, having our independence challenged can be difficult.  I am so use to disciplining the children myself and then my husband returns and challenges how I do things or thinks it should be done differently.  No only is this hard for me to accept, but it confuses our children.  What I may say is okay to do, suddenly their father is telling them no.  There also is the things that you enjoy doing while your husband is gone that you may feel you need to give up.  Giving up all the things you enjoy can cause resentment.  I choose to compromise with my husband on that one.  Like I’ve mentioned before, I have tea every evening with my neighbor.  Sometimes we spend and hour or more chatting.  I really do not want to give that up!  So I’ve decided that when my husband returns, I won’t give it up, but I will keep a closer eye on the clock.  I am sure that he will be okay with that compromise.

Again, talking about these things is a big help.  Let him know what you want to keep doing and if he doesn’t like it, try and compromise.  With the children, you may have to change the rules there too.  If that’s where your compromise brings you, then don’t forget to tell the children too.  Hopefully, in the end, your husband will be happy with the independence that you’ve exhibited and it will give him some peace of mind the next time he has to be away.

Note:  I am using information that can be found at along with my own experience and interpretation of the information given.  I do not have any formal schooling on this topic.  If you are married to a soldier and need help with redeployment, please contact your post’s mental health clinic, chain of concern or unit chaplain.


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