Living with the “New Normal”

Another blogger was brought to my attention through a military e-mail that I received.  Her name is Rebekah Sanderlin.  She blogs for the Fayetteville Observer, is married to a soldier that has completed 3 tours in Afghanistan and is a mom of two.  Her commentary “Military Families Learning to Live With ‘New Normal’” hit the NPR airwaves this week and, for me, she hit the nail on the head!

For those of you that don’t know, I am living at my parents’ house in NY, while my husband is already at his next duty station in the United Kingdom.  We are waiting on our visas so that the kids and I can join him.  Well, after dropping off my son at pre-school, my little girl wanted to go get bagels (we are really hoping they have bagels in the UK, but I fear she will be very disappointed!)  At the bagel shop, we ran into my cousin, Billy.  Billy is a dying breed — he is a farmer on eastern Long Island.  Just like his father and both of his grandfathers before him.  Being surprised to see me, he asked what we were doing in town.  I explained to him briefly what was happening and his response was, “Moving around must be so hard on the kids”.   For Billy, the idea of relocating your family multiple times (let alone just once) is foreign.  Billy and I grew up on the same street; amidst the farmland that was our families.  I left for college at 18 and only come back to visit.  Billy moved from his parents’ home to his home with his bride.  For Billy, my life is anything but normal!

After parting ways, I thought about what he said and realized that moving is normal for my children.  They know that we change houses and make new friends all the time.  Then I listened to Mrs. Sanderlin’s NPR commentary and realized what is normal for us, goes much farther then relocation. 

Military families face new issues with the repeated deployments.  And, taking from what Mrs. Sanderlin said, this is our normal.  We are use to our loved ones going on year long deployments and not knowing if/when they will be back.  Our younger children are unsure when daddy/mommy is home if he/she will be at the dinner table that evening or if it will be months before we see each other again.  Personally, the one comment that hit me the hardest was when she said, “we don’t know the long term effects” that our lifestyle will have on our children.  We are the first generation that has had to deal with repeated and lengthy deployments. 

But our children do have the so called “normal” life too.  We have little league, dance lessons, school plays, etc.  It’s just that sometimes, it is only one parent that can be there — that is different then “one parent that could be there” or “one parent that choose to be there”.  As military parents, we try hard to give our children all of those fun things, regardless of the uncertainty that our lives have.

National Women’s History Month

I’m a little behind on this and really can not believe that I forgot that March is National Women’s History Month. This year’s theme is “Women Taking the Lead to Save Our Planet”. And because my family tries hard to reduce, reuse and recycle and limit our carbon imprint on the world, I love this theme.  Click here to see the White House press release.  And the following two sites have wonderful information too.  The National Women’s History Project has information on the 2009 honorees and great information on why they do what they do!  Also, to my surprise, the National Parks Service has great information on women in history and places you can go and visit to learn more.  (The have listed the Amelia Earhart Birthplace Museum.  My family visited there on a recent trip to Atchison, Kansas and we LOVED it.)  But, since I am an Army wife, I can not just focus on the theme this year! 

As a little girl, I remember hearing the story of Molly Pitcher (aka Mary Ludwig Hays McCauley) and how she continued to fire that cannon during the Revolutionary War.  And the story of Clara Barton and how she helped create the American Red Cross.  But the only references I ever had about women in the Army was from watching M*A*S*H!!  Now that is not the best reference for learning anything about the Army, even if it is a classic TV show!!

The US Army has put together an amazing website that includes a timeline, history and profiles of all things that has to do with the history of women in the US Army.  Women in the US Army website, not only highlights women of the past, but women who are currently serving as soldiers now.  I strongly urge you to take a good look at this website.  Since I just found it today, I am going to share it with my seven-year old daughter tonight.  And I also hope that one day we will be able to visit the US Army Women’s Museum at Ft Lee, Virginia.  I hope by sharing this with my children that they will understand that they really can do anything they won’t to do — regardless of sex or race! 

I also hope that all of you will share this with young women — and men — so that they can see that amazing things in history are not just something done by the men in our history books!

I Can See the Light at the End of the Tunnel!!

We finally have our airline tickets to England!! We will be leaving the first week of May. It seems like I’ve been living with my parents forever!

Overall, it hasn’t been bad, but my parents are use to a quiet home and then I moved in with 3 kids and a phsyco cat! It is fun to have the kids spend time with the grandparents, but I just want to be a family again.

Some may think that staying with Mom and Dad for a few months would be bad, but I just feel like we’ve been apart so much. My husband arrived home from a year long Iraq tour in October and then had to report to his duty station at the end of January. I just want us to all be together again. And now it is only going to be a few more weeks!! Yeah me!!

Tramatic Brain Injury Awareness Month

With the untimely death of actress Natasha Richardson, I thought it was a good time to let you know that March is Tramatic Brain Injury Awareness Month. 

Tramatic Brain Injury (TBI) has been a new term that has been associated with head injuries of military members.  Well, at least, that is when I started hearing about it.  Many people didn’t know the term until Bob Woodruff, ABC New Reporter, suffered TBI in Taji, Iraq while embedded with the US Army 4th Infantry Division.  Because of Mr Woodruff’s unfortunate injuries, he was able to educate the general public on TBI and know, first hand, what soldiers face during their deployments.  In February 2007, Mr Woodruff was reporting again for ABC with the documentary “To Iraq and Back”.  (You can read about the documentary here.)  Mr Woodruff has also become a great supporter of the troops with the Bob Woodruff Foundation. 

While I am saddened at the death of Ms Richardson and Mr Woodruff’s injuries, their tragedies have brought the attention to injuries that our troops suffering repeatedly.  They say that every cloud has a silver lining, maybe this silver lining will bring better research and medical advancements that will help our soldiers and others that suffer from TBI.

For more information on TBI, you can check out this link at army.mil.

Michelle Obama Meets with Military Families

I watch Good Morning America daily. It’s on while I have my cup of coffee and stays on until I take my little man to pre-school. So I usually only miss the last 15 minutes or so. A few days ago, Robin Roberts was showing parts of her interview with the first lady, Michelle Obama. Mrs Obama has decided that one of the items on her platform would be to make things better for the military family. Personally, I think this is great!!!

What came out during the interview is something that I wish all people would find horrific and push to change. Many of our military families use food stamps and other forms of public assistance. Here’s part of Mrs Obama’s interview “It hurts. It hurts,” the first lady said of hearing about military families on food stamps. “These are people who are willing to send their loved ones off to, perhaps, give their lives — the ultimate sacrifice. But yet, they’re living back at home on food stamps. It’s not right, and it’s not where we should be as a nation.”

This should hurt all of us.  Whether or not you agree with any military actions that the United States has taken/is taking/will take, you as an American should support our military members and their families so that they do not have to live below the poverty line.  These brave men and women that have taken on the task to protect your rights as an American citizen — whether you agree with how it’s done or not.  Just think of the blogs that you read.  There are “allowed” because of our military that protects your freedom of speech.  When you go to church and worship, it is because the military fought for your freedom of religion.  I could go on and on about how the military past, present and future protects your rights, but I think you get the picture. 

I looked up what the poverty level is for a family of 4 (less then my family size, but what I see mostly around me) and it is $22,050 per year.  Most E-4’s and below do not make that.  These are the young soldiers with growing families.  No different then some of the families you see in your communities.  The difference in that they decided to join the military to serve their country.  And at this time in history, many are heading into a battle zone and my give their lives to protect our country.  They are away from their families and loved ones.  They sacrifice more then any other profession I can think of.  Don’t you think that if they sacrifice this for you, the least we can do is pay them enough to care for their families?

No matter how you feel about the military actions that are taking place, please do what you can to support your military and ask your government to adequately compensate the men and women in military uniform.

Military Family in a Civilian Town

Most of the time, our family, lives in a military town. And while my husband is in the Army, we have lived on a Naval base and our next duty station will be near an Air Force base. It is not uncommon for my husband’s military job to take him to unit’s that work in a joint military fashion. But this is the first time, since our marriage, that I’ve been living outside of a military community.

One thing that I have noticed is that, even though no one talks against the military itself, the war seems farther away here. In military towns you have the constant reminder that someone’s loved one is deployed. The local news has daily segments on the military “heroes” among us (Personally, my husband hates being called a hero. He says, he’s just doing his job.) and there are signs welcoming home a soldier almost on every block.   Another thing that I’ve observed is that more flags seem to be flown in military communities then those communities that are farther removed from our way of life.  It makes me wonder why the flag is not flown by more of us just to say, “Yes I’m an American and darn proud to be”! 

I also get, what I call, is the “pity look” when I tell someone that my husband is in the Army.  It’s like, “Oh, you poor thing”.  Then I am always asked, “Has he ‘had’ to go to Iraq?”  The look and the question always make me chuckle inside.  I don’t pity myself.  I am very proud of my husband and his chosen career.  And if he did go to Iraq (most soldiers have) it was because it’s his job.  I guess I’m just amazed how differently people view me and my husband in the civilian world. 

There are also the observations of my oldest daughter.  She’s seven and in a new school for the first time since starting elementary school.  I was very excited about her attending this school, because she is attending my elementary school.  The school that I LOVED!!!!  The school that molded me in my early education years.  The school that still has teachers that I had there and where we know the secretaries because the are neighbors.  I expected her to love this school as much as I did, but she doesn’t.  As a matter of fact, I hear almost daily how she wants to go back to her old school.  When I ask why, she’s told me that the school has lots of mean and bullying kids.  That they have no fun in class, it’s all work (she’s in the first grade, there should be some fun).  My daughter is a very social gal and they are not letting her in.  This is frustrating to her and heartbreaking to me!  I think most of this stems from this area not being as transient as military towns.  For some reason, they don’t know how to let a stranger in.  When I went to school there, I remember two ‘new’ kids in the five years I was at that school.  I believe it’s just a learning curve that will not be met with the lack of moving around in the area. 

Overall, we are trying to take all of these changes as learning experiences.  I try to have educated conversations with the folks that I meet that my husband’s job isn’t as bad as they imagine and that I do fine when my husband is gone, just as they would be/are fine when their spouse goes on a business trip.  As for my kids, it’s a good lesson that not everyone is kind and that sometimes, it’s harder to make friends then we thought.  Hopefully this will lead to them being better people and be more accepting of others in whatever situation they meet.

Who Thought Moving Overseas Could be Such a Hassle!!!!

Sorry for my absence — we are still in the middle of our move, as you will see, and I will try to continue to post as I can! — Household 6 Hooah

 

For those of you traveling overseas, it is rather easy to do.  All you need is a passport and a way to get there.  For us, it is a different story.

Of course, we need our passports.  But what I found out after getting tourist passports is that as a military family that will be living in the UK for an extended amount of time, we need military passports.  Since I am a novice at this overseas moving, I didn’t know there was more then one type of passport.  I will take ownership on part of this and say part of it is my fault.  And that is because I didn’t do more research into exactly what I needed.  On the other hand, part of the blame is on the forces that be (the Army) for not giving us a detailed check list into what we need to move overseas.  Most of my civilian friends and family are saying, “Why don’t they tell you what they need.  Isn’t there a list they could give you?  and So many of you go overseas, it should be easy for the military to get this done.”  And yes, you would think that it would be easy, but one thing that is forgotten is that the military sends families to many different locations overseas.  With each country that we are sent, different rules apply.  One thing that I’ve found out is that since we are moving to the United Kingdom, we need visas.  This is not so for every country.  Rules change for each place that you go.  All that being said, I think that the Army needs to have a detailed check-list for each place they send families.  It would make life a lot easier and less stressful for us in the middle of a move that is already stressful.

Now we are applying for visas.  I had no idea the amount of information that they would ask for.  One thing I didn’t have from my husband was a copy of his passport.  Why would I need his passport information for my visa application?  Well, since he is the working party and I’m just along for the ride, his information needs to be included.  Now when if was finally told that I needed a visa (and that was through a soldier friend that is in England with his family) I wasn’t told that we would need to be finger printed.  Now I talked to many different folks and it wasn’t until I called a lovely lady at a Naval Base in Connecticut, that we would need to be fingerprinted before our applications were sent in.  At the end of the application, it let me know that I would need fingerprinting and so would my seven year old daughter.  So the two of us have our appointments for that later this week.  Luckily, my four year old and my 2 year old don’t need this part done.  Once the fingerprinting is done, we get to send the applications to the UK consulate in NY.  We wait 4-6 weeks and then, with approval, we will be joining my husband in England. 

While all of this is going on, we are staying with my parents.  Now I love my parents dearly, but they are not use to have three kids around and I am not use to living at home any more!  It is just more added stress into our lives.  Stress that is not needed.  We also found out, on our drive to my parents, that I am pregnant with #4!!!  More stress – although a happy kind.  My oldest had to switch schools (which wasn’t planned originally) and is not happy.  More stress — and I think one of the hardest because any parent hates to see their kids unhappy.  And our family is separated again.  My husband just returned from Iraq in October and left for his next duty station in January.  I hate being apart when we don’t have to be.

I know this will all end soon, but in the mean time it’s just hard.  My message to the Army (actually all of the military) — how about putting a list together for each of the countries you allow families to live.  It would save the families a lot of aggravation and stress.  And as you Army folk like to say — when the family is happy the soldier is happy!  Let’s work on making this an easier transition for all of us.  Contact me — I’ll help!

We Are Moving! Again!

One part about Army life that many people say that they can not live with is the constant moving!  While it can be a hassle and an adjustment for all of us, I like to see it as an adventure.  If I don’t like the place I’m living, I just remember that everything in the Army is temporary.  And before long, I will be moving again!

We’ve know for almost a year now that when my husband returned from Iraq that we would be moving again.  This will be my sixth move in eight years!  Normally, most of us move every 3 or so years, but my husband has had school and other things that have made some of our duty stations short term.  Our next move is exciting for all of us because we will be moving overseas!!!!  And with that comes more stress for this move then the rest.

None of us have ever been overseas (with the exception of hubby’s visits to the sandbox).  So the first thing that was needed was passport for all of us.  So far we have three of them.  The other two had issues with the passport pictures and we need to retake them and sent them in again!  Then we can travel all over Europe and visit friends that are at other duty stations in Europe.

The other major issue that I have is what we are taking.  For this move, we will have to separate our stuff into 4 groups.  First there is our hold baggage.  This is the baggage that is taken ahead of us for our arrival.  Extra clothes, a few toys for the kids, and even a few supplies for the kitchen that I would need in the beginning.  Next there is our household goods.  This includes all of the things that are not in the other shipments.  Our furniture, kitchen goods, toys, bicycles, tools, etc.  Then there is our storage shipment.  Since we are moving overseas, not everything needs to go.  We plan on leaving most of our electronic goods in storage.  The voltage system is different and they would need a transformer to work and transformers use more electricity.  A friend of mine told me how she burnt her bangs when she attempted to use her US curling iron in a UK outlet.  We all know how lovely the smell of burnt hair can be!  Finally, there is the group of belongs that we will be physically taking with us.  Our clothes, make-up, toiletries, and other things to occupy my three little ones!  That is a lot of sorting!

Since all of our previous moves have been stateside, we just packed what we needed and let the movers come and pack everything else.  Now, I need to sort and label what is going where while having three little ones at home and get ready for the holidays too!  It will be all sorts of crazy!

On the bright side, my closets and home will be cleared of any clutter and all those extras we won’t be needed will be given to neighbors or donated to good will.  We also look forward to making new friends!  We may be leaving others behind, but in the Army, we always seem to cross paths again and are able to keep in touch with the internet.

So here is to another move, more packing and clearing of closets!  I’m sure moving overseas will give me many more subjects to blog about soon!

Hurray!! My husband is home!!! Now what?!

It is the most wonderful time when my husband returns home.  It’s a great time for all military families!  I know that he is safe and he is able to become part of our family again.  Now the hard part starts!

I have been working on my battlemind skills to make this transition easier, but it is still work.  No different then when you are first married and learning those little quirks that you didn’t know prior to living together.  The first thing that reminded me he was home was when at 2 AM I got up to use the toilet and the seat was up!  Unfortunately, I didn’t notice this fact until my rear end landed in the toilet water!  EEWWWWW!

I will have to admit, I’ve been on edge during this transition.  I keep trying to stick to my normal routine, but he’s there!  And sometimes in the way.  We are trying to get on track on how things are done in the household.  Some things have remained the same, but others have changed.  The kids are all a year older and he isn’t use to their new behaviors.  I think it’s hardest with the little one.  Since she just turned 2, a lot has changed in the year he was gone.  She just stopped using the bottle when he left and was not completely feeding herself.  Now, she can feed herself with no help.  Although, she has to be reminded to use a utensil!  My oldest has begun to read and Daddy has just learned that he can not spell in front of her!  LOL  And our son, almost 4, only wants to play with Daddy.  The little man has also become the whiner of the bunch.  With Daddy just home, he is not ready to completely start disciplining them.  I don’t blame him.  He doesn’t want to come home and be perceived as the “bad guy”.  So for now, that’s still my job.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy my soldier is home.  It’s just a hectic time.  The other factor in this reunion is that we are moving in December.  That gives us two months to decide what we are keeping and not keeping.  Normally this isn’t a big deal, but this move is taking us overseas!  That means three separate packing times — one for household goods, one for hold baggage and the other for storage.  I’m sure this move will give me so many stories to tell!

Deployment Over!

My husband’s status is “Mission Complete”.

That being said — I will be taking a little time off. )